at around 1:30 pm today after the house meeting where i was where i chose to be, i decided that i would be recluse for twenty four hours in silent protest against the things that were happening to me. that means that it will continue until just before my last period of tomorrow, which is pe. however, during archery training (omg. i finally got my clicker!), events occurred which led me to temporarily lose my sanity. well. now i have it back. after all, after reasoning, its only ten minutes. i mean, i only asked to pair with one. the third was a surprise (actually more of a shock). but yea. its only for ten minutes. so, i think my group its the best in the whole world.
though i did make a promise to be a control for the third. it seems that my slave-driver doubts my abilities. i wonder how i can prove myself. only time (two days left?) will tell.
oh yes. keep your fucking delusions to yourself okay? its not nice when you utilize your sense of imagination on other people's lives and try to spread it amongst people who already dont really trust me. invest it somewhere else where its more useful.
Singapore ftw! i say it'll be a 1-1 draw but i want Singapore to win! and by the looks of it, they might. yay.
i found that which is very precious to me too, unharmed and unhindered. my crusade for penance and self repentance is over.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
precious
wah shit. i've left something i love very much in school. i realy really hope it still intact. if not i cry. seriously. so careless of me.
first thing tomorrow morning. i go on a crusade of penance and self repentance.
first thing tomorrow morning. i go on a crusade of penance and self repentance.
Monday, January 29, 2007
lousy singing
Dont Cry For Me Argentina
It won't be easy, you'll think it strange
When I try to explain how I feel
That I still need your love after all that I've done
You won't believe me
All you will see is a girl you once knew
Although she's dressed up to the nines
At sixes and sevens with you
I had to let it happen, I had to change
Couldn't stay all my life down at heel
Looking out of the window, staying out of the sun
So I chose freedom
Running around, trying everything new
But nothing impressed me at all
I never expected it to
chorus:
Don't cry for me Argentina
The truth is I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don't keep your distance
And as for fortune, and as for fame
I never invited them in
Though it seemed to the world they were all I desired
They are illusions
They are not the solutions they promised to be
The answer was here all the time
I love you and hope you love me
Don't cry for me Argentina
(chorus)
Have I said too much?
There's nothing more I can think of to say to you.
But all you have to do is look at me to know
That every word is true\
this post is dedicated to kaswin who irritated the shit out of me on the train journey home singing his pathetic and very painful rendition of this song. i had to keep punching him to keep him quiet for a few seconds before he'd start singing again. my sore ears.
It won't be easy, you'll think it strange
When I try to explain how I feel
That I still need your love after all that I've done
You won't believe me
All you will see is a girl you once knew
Although she's dressed up to the nines
At sixes and sevens with you
I had to let it happen, I had to change
Couldn't stay all my life down at heel
Looking out of the window, staying out of the sun
So I chose freedom
Running around, trying everything new
But nothing impressed me at all
I never expected it to
chorus:
Don't cry for me Argentina
The truth is I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don't keep your distance
And as for fortune, and as for fame
I never invited them in
Though it seemed to the world they were all I desired
They are illusions
They are not the solutions they promised to be
The answer was here all the time
I love you and hope you love me
Don't cry for me Argentina
(chorus)
Have I said too much?
There's nothing more I can think of to say to you.
But all you have to do is look at me to know
That every word is true\
this post is dedicated to kaswin who irritated the shit out of me on the train journey home singing his pathetic and very painful rendition of this song. i had to keep punching him to keep him quiet for a few seconds before he'd start singing again. my sore ears.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
compromise
a compromise has been reached! wowee. i thought the day would never come.
anyway. while i spent most of the weekend lying in bed after picking up a cold (from walking through heavy rain i think), i've been thinking.
you know what i've been thinking?
i just wish that someone would tell me that i am not being silly when i say i still care, or still offering defense when someone hurls verbal abuse at the person, or when i still dont forget, or when i say its my fault and not the person's or when i keep saying the person is special. i wish.
oh. i also wish i had another image hosting place for this background since it sometimes doesnt appear at all.
anyway. while i spent most of the weekend lying in bed after picking up a cold (from walking through heavy rain i think), i've been thinking.
you know what i've been thinking?
i just wish that someone would tell me that i am not being silly when i say i still care, or still offering defense when someone hurls verbal abuse at the person, or when i still dont forget, or when i say its my fault and not the person's or when i keep saying the person is special. i wish.
oh. i also wish i had another image hosting place for this background since it sometimes doesnt appear at all.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
metal
Angels Crying
by Atargatis
Love, regret, fear and hate
All these emotions never will fade
Hear, they are calling from the other side
And are wondering just who we are with eyes
So full of pride
Pain is to bleed as the worn flesh decays
Life torn apart, the end�s on its way
Never let this happen
Hear the angels crying
In darkest blood, through despair left concealed
Suffer unfulfilled dreams out of wounds never healed
Force fed by chaos, erupting disease
Fragments of scattered realties
You have never thought about losing your soul
Forlorn souls echo through visions surreal
Stifled hoarse cries with savlation's last tear
And now you've found it out, you are lying on the ground
At one cold dark night, no stars glittering
Lost souls whimper with fright
And voices are singing
In the ashes of a tortured world, they cease to be
Emerging from the ashes in a fatal sympathy
And for the last time hear them scream in
Never ending pain, the mightiest wings even
Cannot escape hell's wrathful flame
Fed by human arrogance, no regard to nature
They trusted in manmade hate
Angels crying, angels crying, my angels crying
When angels crying, the taunting demons arise
Now their loud cries echo through the night
While they beg for remission by the spherical might
No one will forgive this hate bred misery
And the angels are still crying, their eyes are full of tears
now if all metal songs were like this one, i think I'd listen to the genre a lot more often. but thats just my own taste. personally, the traditional heavy metal shouting-kind-of-thingy voice and the female accompaniment is just gorgeous. the lyrics are, interesting, to say the least.
anyway, great performance MF-15! hope you guys get through. hope the pole-products or whatever they are called get through too. i shall support them tomorrow.
by Atargatis
Love, regret, fear and hate
All these emotions never will fade
Hear, they are calling from the other side
And are wondering just who we are with eyes
So full of pride
Pain is to bleed as the worn flesh decays
Life torn apart, the end�s on its way
Never let this happen
Hear the angels crying
In darkest blood, through despair left concealed
Suffer unfulfilled dreams out of wounds never healed
Force fed by chaos, erupting disease
Fragments of scattered realties
You have never thought about losing your soul
Forlorn souls echo through visions surreal
Stifled hoarse cries with savlation's last tear
And now you've found it out, you are lying on the ground
At one cold dark night, no stars glittering
Lost souls whimper with fright
And voices are singing
In the ashes of a tortured world, they cease to be
Emerging from the ashes in a fatal sympathy
And for the last time hear them scream in
Never ending pain, the mightiest wings even
Cannot escape hell's wrathful flame
Fed by human arrogance, no regard to nature
They trusted in manmade hate
Angels crying, angels crying, my angels crying
When angels crying, the taunting demons arise
Now their loud cries echo through the night
While they beg for remission by the spherical might
No one will forgive this hate bred misery
And the angels are still crying, their eyes are full of tears
now if all metal songs were like this one, i think I'd listen to the genre a lot more often. but thats just my own taste. personally, the traditional heavy metal shouting-kind-of-thingy voice and the female accompaniment is just gorgeous. the lyrics are, interesting, to say the least.
anyway, great performance MF-15! hope you guys get through. hope the pole-products or whatever they are called get through too. i shall support them tomorrow.
volta
i told kaswin phase one had started. i told him phase two will commence soon. but he probably didnt take notice considering he was still reeling from a ten volt shock. it seems he is distracted. but no matter. it doesnt concern him anyway but i do want my $70 from him asap. anyways, i decided to make a diversion. hopefully, i already drove the point across somewhere.
don't you think its funny when your friend assumes they know you well enough. and then they do something completely silly or unnecessary "for your own good," as they say (or something along those lines). don't you think its even funnier when your friends don't really trust you and constantly are worried that you'd do dumb things or even suggest the craziest things every possible? oh wait. last one's better. don't you think its hilarious when your friends misjudge you and your character based on a one sided perspective rather than taking into account the entire situation?
i don't. i think it sucks.
don't you think its funny when your friend assumes they know you well enough. and then they do something completely silly or unnecessary "for your own good," as they say (or something along those lines). don't you think its even funnier when your friends don't really trust you and constantly are worried that you'd do dumb things or even suggest the craziest things every possible? oh wait. last one's better. don't you think its hilarious when your friends misjudge you and your character based on a one sided perspective rather than taking into account the entire situation?
i don't. i think it sucks.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
vents
the tuesdays civic lesson for this week and last week has left me annoyed for a couple of reasons. mainly because it reminds me of something unfortunate. but thats beside the point.
lets face it. almost all of us will have the urge to blame somebody for your misfortune even though its ultimately all yor fault. but somehow, we tend to rebel at the fact. find a scapegoat or two and shove all the blame on them. why? well, i guess for me, its therapeutic. especially when i start thinking about any particular incident. its an on and off thing. my mind (not personality) is highly Schiziophrenic. sometimes i wish i could make every single living moment of that person as miserable as possible. sometimes i quietly say its my fault and either languish in that thought or try to do something about it.
well. revenge is an option too. if you are evil that is. well, i plan stuff too. then i imagine how well it will go. thats as far as it can get. i mean whats the point of vengeance really? aside from the potential self satisfaction that you can at least inflict some pain upon the person who hurt you. but then again, imagining the look of horror on the person's face as your evil diabolical plan comes to fruitition is pretty darn good. assuming you do have good imagination that is. but then again, imagining the whole thing saves you a hell lot of time and not to mention the amount of inconvenience if you plan fails. so i guess that means revenge=not very good.
so what happens if there is a person who you intermittenly wish you can do something totally evil to dont't know. like recently i see one such person facing some problem of which i don't know. but i do know it seems to me a big problem because its taking its toll on the person. well, actually i'm not too sure on that either. anyways, there are times when i see the person and i'm grinning in satisfaction that the person is getting some kind of retribution without me doing it. but there is a small voice at the back of my head telling me dont be so bad. most of the time, i listen to that small voice.
but ultimately what does all the above mean? i dont know. maybe it means nothing to you. but i think its something worth thinking about. hmm.
lets face it. almost all of us will have the urge to blame somebody for your misfortune even though its ultimately all yor fault. but somehow, we tend to rebel at the fact. find a scapegoat or two and shove all the blame on them. why? well, i guess for me, its therapeutic. especially when i start thinking about any particular incident. its an on and off thing. my mind (not personality) is highly Schiziophrenic. sometimes i wish i could make every single living moment of that person as miserable as possible. sometimes i quietly say its my fault and either languish in that thought or try to do something about it.
well. revenge is an option too. if you are evil that is. well, i plan stuff too. then i imagine how well it will go. thats as far as it can get. i mean whats the point of vengeance really? aside from the potential self satisfaction that you can at least inflict some pain upon the person who hurt you. but then again, imagining the look of horror on the person's face as your evil diabolical plan comes to fruitition is pretty darn good. assuming you do have good imagination that is. but then again, imagining the whole thing saves you a hell lot of time and not to mention the amount of inconvenience if you plan fails. so i guess that means revenge=not very good.
so what happens if there is a person who you intermittenly wish you can do something totally evil to dont't know. like recently i see one such person facing some problem of which i don't know. but i do know it seems to me a big problem because its taking its toll on the person. well, actually i'm not too sure on that either. anyways, there are times when i see the person and i'm grinning in satisfaction that the person is getting some kind of retribution without me doing it. but there is a small voice at the back of my head telling me dont be so bad. most of the time, i listen to that small voice.
but ultimately what does all the above mean? i dont know. maybe it means nothing to you. but i think its something worth thinking about. hmm.
Monday, January 22, 2007
white stuff
oh well. here it is. after about six hours of my free time, spent producing and weeding out those nasty html bugs, its finally finished. although i dont think many people will end up linking this new arrangement. in fact, i think my readership might even go down or something if they dont like the content (hopefully not eh?). but i got some kind of attachment to this template. for some awkward reason i suppose. there is a fair amount of symbolism in some of the content. so if anyone can actually conceive the purpose of me putting it there, tell me and i might reward your intelligence with an ice lemon tea or something. oh and i did find a better hosting site where i can put this gargantuan hi-res background for free! (photobucket needed me to pay for a better account or else it would reduce it some low res ugly shit)
i wanted to include a girl in the template. but you see, i have a problem with generating faces. so i decided (me being very lazy) to use the face i know how to draw best. the result, is what you see here. besides, most of the stuff here are meant to be like drafts or proto types. but in order to prevent a loss in interest (and in accordance with my laziness) i just completed it over the weekend.
yea. thanks charissa for helping me a great deal with the girl! (in terms of artwork that is) rofl. and xagorr for helping me defeat the html coding (silly me for not thinkning up that invisible text idea earlier. might have saved us a whole lot of trouble. you will receive your drinks as promised though. dont worry about that).
i'd best start working on my newest literary project in order to meet the deadline i set for myself.
i wanted to include a girl in the template. but you see, i have a problem with generating faces. so i decided (me being very lazy) to use the face i know how to draw best. the result, is what you see here. besides, most of the stuff here are meant to be like drafts or proto types. but in order to prevent a loss in interest (and in accordance with my laziness) i just completed it over the weekend.
yea. thanks charissa for helping me a great deal with the girl! (in terms of artwork that is) rofl. and xagorr for helping me defeat the html coding (silly me for not thinkning up that invisible text idea earlier. might have saved us a whole lot of trouble. you will receive your drinks as promised though. dont worry about that).
i'd best start working on my newest literary project in order to meet the deadline i set for myself.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
disco bandits
well. i think its just about damn time. maybe the wait will make it all the more sweeter. this post is going to be dedicated to my really really good friend indra.
lets see. we go back a really long way. since sec 1. in fact, we were friends since orientation if i'm not wrong. and since then, we've been in a whole lot of shit together haven't we? catching in the library, destination imagination, talentime and the list goes on(its a very long list btw).
haha. talentime reminds me of how god like dancer you are. dance guru. respect respect. all your moonwalking skills, robot moves. haha. those super long dance sessions were probably one of the most fun time i had. aiya. i know what you'll be thinking now. you don't need to be so humble. sometimes it gets irritating. haha.
you were a great leader from the start. had a lot of respect back in those days when we were so absorbed in red cross. but then, it seemed that we took different paths. you continued to be involved in the system while i took a more free life with cyrus. but then again, you did come to your senses and joined me at the bottom. at least we squeezed some fun out of that. haha. operation crossfire? pity we couldnt bring it to life after all our efforts. but the dream will live on!
but then, jc came and suddenly we were swept away. you started speeding ahead of me while i stagnated. you arh. dont know how many x's 1's 2's 3's all you have. haha. i'm still at zero pls. but still, we managed to have some good times (lanning or just talking rubbish) and i'm really happy for that. (:
well. to be honest, i have no idea what i would do or what would have happened to my life if we werent good friends. a bit part of my ri life was fun thanks to you (remember messing around with my warhammer figures in 4d classroom? haha). you've been an amazing guy (damn moxious arh, flirt with everybody all) and really nice (though you've been diverting more nice-ness to other parties eh? *winks. chopsticks anyone? rofl).
thanks for everything dude. even today. (: i would've put up a picture of you. but then i dont have a recent picture that would do justice to all you training (but you face is still almost the same larh. so not much difference). but even if i did, probably hundredddd girls will suddenly ask me for your hp number or something. haha.
sorry lah. this one abit cheapskate compared to the other two but i'm not in my best of times. haha. hey. its the thought that counts right? besides, i did keep my promise. haha. anyway, this post probably will have the honour of being the last one on this template. i getting sian of it already.
the emperor protects brother. i shall see you in school. haha.
lets see. we go back a really long way. since sec 1. in fact, we were friends since orientation if i'm not wrong. and since then, we've been in a whole lot of shit together haven't we? catching in the library, destination imagination, talentime and the list goes on(its a very long list btw).
haha. talentime reminds me of how god like dancer you are. dance guru. respect respect. all your moonwalking skills, robot moves. haha. those super long dance sessions were probably one of the most fun time i had. aiya. i know what you'll be thinking now. you don't need to be so humble. sometimes it gets irritating. haha.
you were a great leader from the start. had a lot of respect back in those days when we were so absorbed in red cross. but then, it seemed that we took different paths. you continued to be involved in the system while i took a more free life with cyrus. but then again, you did come to your senses and joined me at the bottom. at least we squeezed some fun out of that. haha. operation crossfire? pity we couldnt bring it to life after all our efforts. but the dream will live on!
but then, jc came and suddenly we were swept away. you started speeding ahead of me while i stagnated. you arh. dont know how many x's 1's 2's 3's all you have. haha. i'm still at zero pls. but still, we managed to have some good times (lanning or just talking rubbish) and i'm really happy for that. (:
well. to be honest, i have no idea what i would do or what would have happened to my life if we werent good friends. a bit part of my ri life was fun thanks to you (remember messing around with my warhammer figures in 4d classroom? haha). you've been an amazing guy (damn moxious arh, flirt with everybody all) and really nice (though you've been diverting more nice-ness to other parties eh? *winks. chopsticks anyone? rofl).
thanks for everything dude. even today. (: i would've put up a picture of you. but then i dont have a recent picture that would do justice to all you training (but you face is still almost the same larh. so not much difference). but even if i did, probably hundredddd girls will suddenly ask me for your hp number or something. haha.
sorry lah. this one abit cheapskate compared to the other two but i'm not in my best of times. haha. hey. its the thought that counts right? besides, i did keep my promise. haha. anyway, this post probably will have the honour of being the last one on this template. i getting sian of it already.
the emperor protects brother. i shall see you in school. haha.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
visionary
that hand-drawing thing is turning out to be a real pain in the arse. but i will persist and it will be out just in time for you know what (although i dont really think you would know "what" it is). i just got a real brainwave to make my life much easier.
anyways. wouldn't it be great if i could take someone in my fictitious world? so grim and dark yet optimistic, united and hopeful. are strange combination. but only those who've been there (which is noone) will understand how it can be possible. rofl. not really making much sense here.
anyways. wouldn't it be great if i could take someone in my fictitious world? so grim and dark yet optimistic, united and hopeful. are strange combination. but only those who've been there (which is noone) will understand how it can be possible. rofl. not really making much sense here.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Thursday, January 04, 2007
psychology
i am desperate to read jung's work on the collective unconscious. really i am. i must go to the library tomorrow to acquire it.
headlines
well. when i saw the frontpage headlines on the monday Strait's Times, i was rather amused. haha. lets hope that the one or two people i am doing that with take it with goodwill and dont suddenly start hating me or something. after all, its just a simple discussion. hmm. enough about that.
well. i really like my timetable. really. but still, the sian-ness of school has set in. you know, after spending two months living a totally different schedule, free from a number of restrains and work, suddenly going back to it all gives you withdrawal symptoms. lol. cant help it. i am naturally inclined towards a less hectic lifestyle. well. at least the new timetable thingy makes my days alot shorter. but i need to make a really big decision soon. whether or not to drop h3 chem. i like the topics taught. honestly i do, but i just cant seem to make any sense of the tutorials and work. i just get so confused each time i try to tackle it. well. i'll just have to see in one or two sessions or maybe after the test. i'd rather spend the extra time working on economics or something instead of trying to catch up with last year's work and study for the eventual a level h3 chemistry paper. haha. we'll just have to see.
funny thing you know. everywhere i go, i am forever observing every aspect of my environment, what's there, who's there and so on. maybe i am looking for somebody. hmm. i wonder who. maybe i can some sort of secret agent. rofl.
well. i really like my timetable. really. but still, the sian-ness of school has set in. you know, after spending two months living a totally different schedule, free from a number of restrains and work, suddenly going back to it all gives you withdrawal symptoms. lol. cant help it. i am naturally inclined towards a less hectic lifestyle. well. at least the new timetable thingy makes my days alot shorter. but i need to make a really big decision soon. whether or not to drop h3 chem. i like the topics taught. honestly i do, but i just cant seem to make any sense of the tutorials and work. i just get so confused each time i try to tackle it. well. i'll just have to see in one or two sessions or maybe after the test. i'd rather spend the extra time working on economics or something instead of trying to catch up with last year's work and study for the eventual a level h3 chemistry paper. haha. we'll just have to see.
funny thing you know. everywhere i go, i am forever observing every aspect of my environment, what's there, who's there and so on. maybe i am looking for somebody. hmm. i wonder who. maybe i can some sort of secret agent. rofl.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
good feeling
you know something? yesterday night i had a dream. in that dream i got a card from someone. when i read that card i got really happy. like seriously really happy. but when i tried to read the card again just to make sure it suddenly disappears. and then i become very sad. hmm. that reminds me though. got two people who owe me cards. haha. wonder when they'll finally give me.
oh well. finally got to listen to travis' first album good feeling. U16 girls YEAA! erm okae. nvm. that was random but it is a funny song though. haha. today i hung out at vivo city (for the first time. haha.) with my brother in law. zomg. haha. well. i still havent really talked to him much yet. i find that to be quite amusing.
well. i dont think i'm ready for school yet, considering i lost twenty days. plus, a group gp assignment remains mostly undone. ahem ahem. lol. well. it was a nice break from all the madness and work. wish it could have been longer. but now i have to face another eleven months or so of madness of a vastly greater intensity before finally getting a really really proper break. the thought of that just makes me erm, shudder. yeap. j2 does seem scary. but hopefully got all the cool ppl who made j1 bearable. funny though, seems just like yesterday when i got the call from hanlong telling me that i am in an og called aeiouoiea. and here i am one whole year later. creepy. oh. btw, i really do want to watch deathnote 2 since i watched the first one and i am like just dying to know how it ends. haha. wonder when i can watch. hopefully my timetable not very screw up.
so as i go to school tomorrow, my dad is also going to work after a one month leave? i think the work will let him get his mind off certain things that he is worrying about.
and so, thank you 2006 (yes, two days late i know). it was a bittersweet experience. hopefully your older brother 2007 will be more sweet than bitter eh?
oh well. finally got to listen to travis' first album good feeling. U16 girls YEAA! erm okae. nvm. that was random but it is a funny song though. haha. today i hung out at vivo city (for the first time. haha.) with my brother in law. zomg. haha. well. i still havent really talked to him much yet. i find that to be quite amusing.
well. i dont think i'm ready for school yet, considering i lost twenty days. plus, a group gp assignment remains mostly undone. ahem ahem. lol. well. it was a nice break from all the madness and work. wish it could have been longer. but now i have to face another eleven months or so of madness of a vastly greater intensity before finally getting a really really proper break. the thought of that just makes me erm, shudder. yeap. j2 does seem scary. but hopefully got all the cool ppl who made j1 bearable. funny though, seems just like yesterday when i got the call from hanlong telling me that i am in an og called aeiouoiea. and here i am one whole year later. creepy. oh. btw, i really do want to watch deathnote 2 since i watched the first one and i am like just dying to know how it ends. haha. wonder when i can watch. hopefully my timetable not very screw up.
so as i go to school tomorrow, my dad is also going to work after a one month leave? i think the work will let him get his mind off certain things that he is worrying about.
and so, thank you 2006 (yes, two days late i know). it was a bittersweet experience. hopefully your older brother 2007 will be more sweet than bitter eh?
updating
after like an hour or so, my ipod is finally updated with most of my collection. haha. now that i think about it. thirty gb isn't really alot.
oh. btw, that wasn't a very good argument. you can ask me on msn if you are curious. haha.
cheers! school opens tomorrow. haha.
oh. btw, that wasn't a very good argument. you can ask me on msn if you are curious. haha.
cheers! school opens tomorrow. haha.
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